Weird News

Coffee Spiders, Deadly Garden, Celestial Sausage

Yesterday morning I woke up, stumbled bleary-eyed into the kitchen to make coffee…and there was a spider in the coffee maker. I didn’t notice it until I poured the water in the reservoir, and it jumped out and came running at me. Obviously, my day was ruined. Today, it seems, is subsequently ruined, as well. Tomorrow, ruined. Next week, ruined. In fact, I don’t know if there’s any coming back from this one.

Anyway, here’s the news:

Giant spider in Locke & Key

Accurate depiction of the events in my kitchen.

Weird News

Ghostbusters Ecto-1 Coffin, Walking Shark, Morgue Meatballs

What the hell is a sea pangolin? Would you get buried in a Ghostbusters coffin? Who’s buying this dumb designer garbage bag? Why are exorcists overloaded with work? Do we know we’re dead when we’re dead, and if so, is life after death all in our heads? Then how do you explain the video of the child talking to her dead grandmother in her bed at night?

All this and more in today’s glorious smorgasbord of weird news. Dig in.

Ghostbusters coffin for sale on ebay

Cthulhu power zones in Wisconsin

Cthulhu Power Zones in Wisconsin

I embarked on an excursion yesterday with a car full of my favorite people into the wild weird yonder of Wisconsin for House on the Rock. Along the way we veered off into even stranger territory where we encountered the Don Q Inn, the unlikely horrors lurking in the waterpark capital of Wisconsin Dells, the original home of the Ringling Bros. circus, and then somehow ended up at the birthplace of Arkham House, the publishing company founded by August Derleth to publish the first hardcover collections of H.P. Lovecraft’s writings, along with other works of weird fiction later on.

Wisconsin is an unlikely place to encounter monsters from Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos, but Derleth felt differently. He was a lifelong resident of Sauk City on the banks of the Wisconsin River, and he believed there were areas in Wisconsin of ancient cosmic energy called Cthulhu Power Zones which could, presumably, be tapped for things like increasing the strength of magick rituals and conjuring cosmic horrors.

Invoking the Deep Ones

Kenneth Grant, the last student of “The Great Beast” Aleister Crowley, wrote in his 1975 book Cults of the Shadow about his correspondence with occultist Michael Bertiaux, who described to him rituals carried out at some of these power zones in hopes of awakening the Deep Ones from the depths of several Wisconsin lakes.

Milwaukee author Tea Krulos points out that a book called The Necronomicon Files offers a rather lurid description of these rituals:

“The impression Grant gives of Bertiaux’s activities in Cults of the Shadow makes La Couleuvre Noire sound like an American version of his New Isis Lodge– complete with beautiful priestesses copulating with scaly Mythos monsters on the shores of deserted Midwestern lakes.”

I’d like to note here that if there isn’t already a monster erotica genre involving this specific scenario, someone needs to correct that grave error immediately.

Anyway, these rituals are said to have taken place at three nearby lakes – Crystal Lake, Fish Lake, and Devil’s Lake.

This is where it gets particularly interesting, because there seems to be a pattern that in areas where there have been reported instances of occult activity in Wisconsin, there also seem to be monsters lurking – Goatman in the Kettle Moraine, the Beast of Bray Road, and some unknown, tentacled abomination in Whitewater, for example.

Legends of Devil’s Lake tell of Native American warriors dragged beneath the surface by the tentacles of an underwater monster, a demon of the lake which they hoped to appease with an annual festival and offerings of gifts and animal sacrifices.

Lovecraft's Deep Ones as depicted by artist Daniel Harrera

Lovecraft’s Deep Ones as depicted by artist Daniel Harrera

Did some Crowley-inspired occultists awaken ancient evil in Wisconsin, or was it all a fever dream caused by some bad beer cheese? We may never know.

If you know anything about Cthulhu power zones or have encountered Lovecraftian cosmic horrors in Wisconsin, share your story in the comments below.

Weird News

Exorcism, Giant Penis Grave, Execution Dress Code

The news will be brief today, as I am embarking on an expedition deep into Weird Wisconsin to the veritable shrine of the bizarre and surreal known as House on the Rock. This also means a stop at the Don Q Inn plane down the road.

So without further ado, today’s weird news:

A giant whale sculpture at House on the Rock in Wisconsin

Giant whale fighting at octopus at House on the Rock