Holy Spirit Board: Christian Ouija Board for Talking to Jesus
No demons, only Jesus! The Holy Spirit Board is a Ouija board that lets you can communicate directly with Jesus without condemning your mortal soul to Hell.
No demons, only Jesus! The “Holy Spirit Board” is a Christian Ouija board game that claims you can communicate directly with Jesus Christ without condemning your mortal soul to Hell.
I can’t tell if this is a joke or not. Does someone really think they can convince Christians they can talk to Jesus Christ through a Ouija board, or are they trolling us? I’m not sure.
But since the Holy Spirit Board is the first talking board ever making these kinds of claims, and with a golden cross for a planchette, no less, Holy Ghost Games got my money so this abomination could take its rightful place in the Cult of Weird Ouija collection.
Will I try to contact Jesus with it?
Nope.
Even if Jesus was real and this board worked, I’m not really a fan of the guy. I mean, he had some great ideas, sure, but look where it’s gotten us today.
About the Holy Spirit Board
The Holy Spirit Board features a sullen-looking old man with gray hair and a beard on the box. I guess it’s supposed to be Jesus, since the big text beside him implores you to “Communicate directly with Jesus Christ!”
But it looks more like his grumpy dad. You know, that guy who wiped out the human race with a flood and cursed them with plagues for being on his lawn. Or it’s a senile Moses, who just talked to a bush and then walked all the way down the mountain with a bad back and some rocks he found.
If I played the Ouija board and got this guy, I’d be begging for Zozo instead.
***Planchette moves, the aroma of Fixodent fills the air***
Anyway, here are the important things you need to know from the product description:
GET THE ANSWERS YOU NEED! – The Holy Spirit Board can answer all of life’s most important questions, straight from the man himself!
Me: Hey Jesus, so, uh, when will we we have world peace? The end of suffering and poverty and stuff?
Jesus: *rolls eyes* Damn libs.
Huge 12×18” game board with beautiful artwork featuring the crucifixion and the angels of heaven.
Huge? C’mon, it’s not that big, Jesus.
Beautiful golden Magic Cross planchette with metallic mirrored finish.
It is gold, shiny, and cross-shaped. But no magic so far. Will keep you posted.
Perfect for churches, prayer groups or just getting together with friends.
Right. Bring this to your next bible study and let me know how it goes.
Unlike other spirit boards, this one will NEVER contact evil ghosts or demons, so you can ask your questions with an assured sense of safety.
Okay, but can we get possessed by Jesus?
How do you use a Christian Ouija Board?
So your prayer group wants to summon Jesus. Here are the instruction, straight from the box:
1. Place the game board on a table or other sturdy, flat surface.
2. Place the Magic Cross™ on the board.
3. Have everyone lay thine hands upon the Magic Cross, and say the following prayer: “Oh Magical Jesus, please guide our hands to answer our questions, Amen!”
4. Next, ask Jesus a question, It can be any question that you want! Jesus knows everything!
5. Let the Holy Spirit guide your hands to move the Magic Cross around the board. You can ask a “yes or no” question, or, let the Magic Cross spell out your answer one letter at a time!
When Jesus has answered all your questions, don’t forget to say goodbye!
It’s this last line that gets me:
And remember: anyone who says that the Holy Spirit Board doesn’t work is both a liar and a sinner in the eyes of our Lord. Amen.
Don’t Worry, Jesus Ouija is Still Evil
Injecting Jesus into the Ouija board really seems like a buzzkill, but rest easy knowing that, despite appearance, Christians say it’s still demonic.
“When [the Holy Spirit Board] was brought to my attention, I was brokenhearted, of course,” former “psychic” Jenn Nizza said recently on “Billy Hallowell’s Playing With Fire Podcast.” “I felt I immediately needed to sound the alarm on the actual danger of this product, because, although it’s marketed as a joke and a game just like the Ouija board is. It’s not at all a game or joke.”
“A Ouija board or a spirit board is a tool of divination,” Nizza said, “which is a way to access information supernaturally outside of God’s will, outside of God’s boundaries. [God’s] super clear in His Word to avoid such tools and practices.”
So yeah, a Christian Ouija is still cool because, as Nizza says, you’re still “invoking demons.”
But the Holy Spirit Board says it will never contact evil ghosts or demons, Jenn.
“You may think you’re kidding around or it’s a joke. You’re asking questions, you’re looking for information,” Nizza said. “And because it’s demonic, the demons will show up. Entities will be there and start moving things around and providing some information.”
Information?! Wow, that does sound super dangerous, Jenn. Thanks for the warning.
So are you ready to start talk to Jesus or demons or whatever?
Get the Holy Spirit Board on Amazon right here and let me know how it goes!
Your flippancy does not come across as humorous, but extremely bitter. It is a funny product, sure, but you really don’t seem to treat the weird with any respect here. At best it seems like you just want to market your t-shirts and novelties, but at worst it seems like you’re bitter and judgemental of other people’s beliefs.