US Secretly Working with Aliens in the Galactic Federation on Mars

“The UFOs have asked not to announce that they are here,” Haim Eshed said in his announcement that the aliens are here. “Humanity is not ready yet.”

Eshed confessed this revelation in an interview for the December 4, 2020 edition of Israel’s largest newspaper, Yedioth Aharonoth.

Now a respected professor, Eshed served as the head of Israel’s space program for almost 30 years, from 1981 to 2010, oversaw the launch of 20 Israeli satellites, and has received the Israel Security Award three times in his life.

Yet somehow he is worse at keeping the aliens’ secrets confidential than President Donald Trump.

“Trump was on the verge of revealing,” Eshed said, “but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying: Wait, let people calm down first. They don’t want to start mass hysteria. They want to first make us sane and understanding.”

If 2020 is any indication, humanity is a long way from sane and understanding.

We may not have even known about this until after the alien invasion had already begun, at which point another Bob Woodward interview with Trump would surface in which the president confesses that he kept the existence of aliens secret so no one would panic.

When his tax audit is finally completed, the IRS will reveal that Trump has a secret bank account on Jupiter.

Eshed, however, has taken it upon himself to go against the wishes of the Galactic Federation in his new book The Universe Beyond the Horizon – Conversations with Professor Haim Eshed.

“They have been waiting for humanity to evolve and reach a stage where we will generally understand what space and spaceships are,” Eshed said. “There’s an agreement between the US government and the aliens. They signed a contract with us to do experiments here. They, too, are researching and trying to understand the whole fabric of the universe, and they want us as helpers. There’s an underground base in the depths of Mars, where their representatives are, and also our American astronauts.”

I guess we know now why we needed a new branch of the military: How else could Trump save the alien children from the deep state without the Space Force?

Alien invasion is probably the only square still open on your 2020 bingo card, but before you head out to panic buy more toilet paper, consider this: Maybe we should give the aliens a chance before we start building a space wall.

Eshed says that aliens from all over the universe have already been walking among us, and have even prevented nuclear holocausts here on Earth.

The English translation of the interview visible before the paywall also promises that Eshed reveals “what’s really going on at the mysterious farm in Utah,” which I assume is referring to the unexplained synth wave music emanating from Skinwalker Ranch.

Plus, Eshed lets us know “when we can jump in to visit black guy,” which either means we may someday meet the notorious Men in Black, or there’s a caravan of antifa thugs en route to riot, loot and burn down Mars in the name of BLM.

The Galactic Federation probably rigged the election, too, but the Fake News Media won’t report it.

Considering that 2020 has been an endless onslaught of crazy, and it’s now clear that we’re living in the dumbest possible timeline, Eshed feels more comfortable discussing what he knows about alien affairs.

The U.S. government actually acknowledged the existence of UFOs, or UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena) this year, and we just shrugged it off because we have more important things to worry about, like microchip-infused vaccines designed to mutate our DNA.

We even found the alien monoliths, undoubtedly part of a vast antenna array transmitting mind control rays from an extraterrestrial mechanism implanted in the core of the planet, and all we did was joke about it on social media until we were bored in a week.

“If I had come up with what I’m saying today five years ago, I would have been hospitalized,” he said. “Wherever I’ve gone with this in academia, they’ve said: the man has lost his mind. Today they’re already talking differently. I have nothing to lose. I’ve received my degrees and awards, I am respected in universities abroad, where the trend is also changing.”

There really is no better time to inform humanity that those anal probes were officially sanctioned, as your anus is inexorably part of the “fabric of the universe” and therefore property of the Galactic Federation.